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Carpe Diem
Don't burst my bubble
07 March 2009 @ 11:17 am
Before I start. I made my coffeee really sweet. YACKY. Not working right now. Just making me sugar high instead of awake. :D Had breakfast, all fed and all ready to start typing. I feel like writing today. I know I won't get very far but you know it doesn't hurt to try. After all practice does make perfet. Or perfect-enough.
( Last Night )
( On Friends. in RL )
( Last Night )
( On Friends. in RL )
Current Location: Leaning over the bed typing
Current Mood: 
nervous
nervousCurrent Music: SG Wannabe- Aitai (I miss you)
06 March 2009 @ 06:37 pm
Ready to go. Dressed, make up done, hair done, ready to leave as soon as I get the chance. Well more of I have to meet a friend at 7 at the theatre but I'm not too sure when to leave. I'm thinking 10 till. Its a 5 minute walk from my house, so I guess that will be enough!
It's not a date (don't even think about Sheree.) It's just me and a good guy friend ( one of the few that have stayed friends) that are going to the movies. I shouldn't even tell you what he said in his facebook message to me. Let me tell you, he's normally wierd, but very very intelligent just wierd as a boy (hence why we get along). And the message was kind of cryptic. When along the lines of him having a dream of me and me having tattoos and he thought it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. And that he said it was so odd that he could undress me so effortlessly. Yeah. That last part was verbatim. I was kind of complimented but its just really wierd. I don't know. I really don't know. He's just a really good friend. :D
****
I love listening to Maroon 5 sometimes. Yes his songs are so sexual but GOD I love it. It's just so sexy and it makes me feel sexy. Lol. I think thats just me being crazy. Prob. But I love it any way. There older CD the one after Songs For Jane, I've heard is worse but the songs are good.
****
So next week I have two finals on Thursday. Back to back. One from 12-2 then one from 2:10- 3. YAY ME! This is going to kill me. Then I have a rough draft for English due Monday (the 9th). Then I'm officially done. Wait, jk. No I'm not. I have one more day that Monday the 16th to turn in my essay then I'll be done. So I can leave early! And technically have a week and a half off so I'm really happy about that. MORE TIME WITH MY FAM AND WITH SHEREE AND SUZY! :D
I was so excited to see my sister but then I thought about it and I realized that Ericka's leaving a few days after I get there, so I don't think I'll see her until maybe end of April. MAYBE even then, for Rebecah's birthday which is April 25th. Yeah, either that or KMF. Because the weekend before is ALL-CAL. Which is going to be even crazier. XDD
OH! I have to put up the video from the comp. It was kind of wonky and you can't really see me but the quality is really good! :D So yeah for that! I'm always on the left side of the screen except for when it goes to the last song where I shift onto the Right side. I'm only 3 songs or I was because of whatever reason. So I don't show up as much. :D
****
So I've got like 3 minutes before I have to slip in on my shoes and head out. So bye bye for now!
Love from,
Bianca J.
It's not a date (don't even think about Sheree.) It's just me and a good guy friend ( one of the few that have stayed friends) that are going to the movies. I shouldn't even tell you what he said in his facebook message to me. Let me tell you, he's normally wierd, but very very intelligent just wierd as a boy (hence why we get along). And the message was kind of cryptic. When along the lines of him having a dream of me and me having tattoos and he thought it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. And that he said it was so odd that he could undress me so effortlessly. Yeah. That last part was verbatim. I was kind of complimented but its just really wierd. I don't know. I really don't know. He's just a really good friend. :D
****
I love listening to Maroon 5 sometimes. Yes his songs are so sexual but GOD I love it. It's just so sexy and it makes me feel sexy. Lol. I think thats just me being crazy. Prob. But I love it any way. There older CD the one after Songs For Jane, I've heard is worse but the songs are good.
****
So next week I have two finals on Thursday. Back to back. One from 12-2 then one from 2:10- 3. YAY ME! This is going to kill me. Then I have a rough draft for English due Monday (the 9th). Then I'm officially done. Wait, jk. No I'm not. I have one more day that Monday the 16th to turn in my essay then I'll be done. So I can leave early! And technically have a week and a half off so I'm really happy about that. MORE TIME WITH MY FAM AND WITH SHEREE AND SUZY! :D
I was so excited to see my sister but then I thought about it and I realized that Ericka's leaving a few days after I get there, so I don't think I'll see her until maybe end of April. MAYBE even then, for Rebecah's birthday which is April 25th. Yeah, either that or KMF. Because the weekend before is ALL-CAL. Which is going to be even crazier. XDD
OH! I have to put up the video from the comp. It was kind of wonky and you can't really see me but the quality is really good! :D So yeah for that! I'm always on the left side of the screen except for when it goes to the last song where I shift onto the Right side. I'm only 3 songs or I was because of whatever reason. So I don't show up as much. :D
****
So I've got like 3 minutes before I have to slip in on my shoes and head out. So bye bye for now!
Love from,
Bianca J.
02 March 2009 @ 02:20 am
I find it funny that most of my essays throughout high school and through out college have been written on sunday nights at like 2 o'clock in the morning. I swear I write my best essays and my best fanfics at the break of dawn. I don't know why. Maybe its just an English thing. I can't do any other type of homework besides English this early in the morning or this late at night. Everything else is in the day but English I need to do it at 2 o'clock in the morning. I usually start around 12 and end at 2 because i liked to dawdle.
Wierd. I got 1200 words out in like 1 hour and a half. Hmm. Interesting. :D
Now its time for me to get some sleep. So like 5 hours of sleep is enough. XD
Good night,
Bianca J.
Wierd. I got 1200 words out in like 1 hour and a half. Hmm. Interesting. :D
Now its time for me to get some sleep. So like 5 hours of sleep is enough. XD
Good night,
Bianca J.
sleepy01 March 2009 @ 11:18 pm
You know how people go through their lives having no idea what to do with it? They go through high school, college, grad school, completely unaware of what they want to do. Yeah? Well I'm the complete opposite. I know what I want to do but I want to do like 100 different things in my life. I want to teach History, English abroad. I want to sing and dance. I want to write books and write for magazines. I want to study languages and linguistics. I want to do so many different things but I'm having a hard time deciding which I want to do first. I'm an English major to begin with but I want to take like 3 languages just so I can learn them. I'm good at them. I am. I can speak two already and I'm on my third. Which makes me feel so ahead. Korean, Japanese, French and German are on my list. I mean my grandma speaks 6 languages, one of them so old there are only 20 people who speak it. Isn't that crazy? Anyway. So I really want to teach abroad but then there is this fear in me that,"What if I don't like Korea?" Maybe I should study abroad there. I want to. My 3rd year. My 2nd is my time to experience things like maybe traveling a bit. I don't know if I can get as far as Korea my 2nd year because frankly who the hell would I go with but you know it would be fun regardless. :D
But I'm not confused on what I want to do or unsure, its more like where the hell do I start? Where do I start in college? I'm taking a creative writing class, a english class i have to take, a music and a math because I want to have all edges explored. Math Im scared, creative writing I'm even more scared. It's liek someone taking you writing the one thing you were good at (or thought you were good at, I know I'm not but you know having a teacher critsize it and whatevs. ALL IM GOING TO BE ABLE TO WRITE IS FREAKING GHEI BOYS. Which will shock the frack out of the teacher. Lol. )
Anyway, I've been thinking about these things for awhile. Just because you know my first year is almost over and 2nd year is really where you start filling things out and starting hitting the books and deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life. It's kind of scary. You have only 4 years to decide what your going to do with the rest of you life and thats scary. It really is. People are decidinga really quickly what they want to do. Rebecca already knows she wants to be a doctor. Everyone else is just kind of remotely knowing. Its just like a;dkljfa;sldf decide already.
Life is too complicated and there is going to have a lot of decision to be made in such a short time. It's like what happened to giving me more time? It went down the drain I guess when I turned 18 and life threw lemons at me when I told them I didn't want lemonade. >.>
Love from,
Bianca J.
01 March 2009 @ 01:46 pm
I'm finally up. I fell asleep around 2 last night and I just couldn't get myself up any earlier then 1. I cleaned the room and the bathroom a bit so I kind of got things done. I'm going to do the laundry tonight after I finish my essay on something that I have no idea what I'm going to talk about. It's supposed to be about riots (anywhere in the world) and if those who started the riots were justified or not. (The criteria is like must be against the government and must have been something illegal). I was contemplating something on Seneca Falls and the convention there but I don't know if anything illegal happened there. So that's going to take some research to figure out. I hate how complicated things get when you start researching. I have to actual figure out what happened at Seneca Falls. I mean I know the jist of it but not anything of serious importance. *hang on let me get dressed. My pj's are irritating* Okay changed and grabbed breakfast. Yum. Fruit Loops. Milk is going to be a pain though. It was worth it. XD
So I wanted to start excercising this week. I mean really excercising. I just feel like the hip hop isn't enough. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being stupid. But whatever. So I jogged for about a half hour then I changed and biked (?) for another half hour. But I realized it wasn't my stomach or my legs making me tired it was my ankles. My ankles are super soar (is that even possible) from last 3 weeks. I mean sometimes going up stairs hurts a lot. I have to many issues with joints! My wrists now my ankles. So then I decided that I should wait until my ankles feel better and are well rested then have it get worse because I seriously don't need anymore pain.
( DBSK CRAP )( SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS: FOREWARN )( Pics of me. :D )
So I wanted to start excercising this week. I mean really excercising. I just feel like the hip hop isn't enough. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being stupid. But whatever. So I jogged for about a half hour then I changed and biked (?) for another half hour. But I realized it wasn't my stomach or my legs making me tired it was my ankles. My ankles are super soar (is that even possible) from last 3 weeks. I mean sometimes going up stairs hurts a lot. I have to many issues with joints! My wrists now my ankles. So then I decided that I should wait until my ankles feel better and are well rested then have it get worse because I seriously don't need anymore pain.
( DBSK CRAP )( SUPERNATURAL SPOILERS: FOREWARN )( Pics of me. :D )
calm25 February 2009 @ 03:27 pm
Going running. I feel like it. Shock I know. But seriously. Be back in a half hour! :D
bored21 February 2009 @ 10:39 pm
WISH ME LUCK!
I have performance in a couple of hours. Literally. Like the competition starts 9:30 tomorrow morning.
3 weeks of working my ass off and having an ugly ass face and an being threatened with a biancspiracy
is all coming to a close tomorrow. So all of you that I have neglected I am performing for you.
WISH ME LUCK! I'm going to need all of your energies together
so I can peform to the best of my abilities.
I have performance in a couple of hours. Literally. Like the competition starts 9:30 tomorrow morning.
3 weeks of working my ass off and having an ugly ass face and an being threatened with a biancspiracy
is all coming to a close tomorrow. So all of you that I have neglected I am performing for you.
WISH ME LUCK! I'm going to need all of your energies together
so I can peform to the best of my abilities.
happy20 February 2009 @ 02:43 am
I'm hungry and I have to respond to a lovely comment left on my previous post because its is so juicy and it makes me want to ask so many questions! I love how dirty yet so interesting politics is. I think its this run around circle that we call democracy. But its old white men dictating our lives every day. WELL IT USED TO BE OLD WHITE MEN! Now its a black man who will change something. I hope. Anything really.
I got so hungry during practice that I started having cramps on the side of my waist. Dancing was becoming an ache and I was having issues. I have a 9 o'clock class tomorrow. I don't care if I gain weight if I eat this late, I'm fucking HUNGRY. H.U.N.G.R.Y.
And at 2 o'clock in the morning I get bitchy. Bitchy. People begin getting on my nerves and I just want toblow up and scream at them for being so retarded. COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. DRIVES ME INSANE WITH THEIR STUPIDITY>
I'm so tired my contacts are melthing my eyes. Ew. That sounds gross but that is the way it feels. It does, it does.
Lets count down? What one more day till CHF? WHERE DID FEBRUARY GO?! DIDNT WE JUST START THE NEW YEAR? I swear this year and last year went by so fast, I'm already hitting the due date for Fafsa. a;sdlkfja;sdlkjf TOO MUCH TO DO.
Also trying to find a place to live next year. I don't know if I want to live in the dorms or just get my own apartment. I want to live to have that experience but FUCK if I want to pay this much every year. So I'm going to try using tha tmoney for an apartment. I'd rather live there where I know I'll get it for sure instead of waiting on maybe dorms. MAYBE dorms.
okayyyyyyy good nightt!!!
Bianca J.
P.s: Elizabeth unnie, please no calling a biancaspriacy. I will cry a little bit if you do. ^^;
I got so hungry during practice that I started having cramps on the side of my waist. Dancing was becoming an ache and I was having issues. I have a 9 o'clock class tomorrow. I don't care if I gain weight if I eat this late, I'm fucking HUNGRY. H.U.N.G.R.Y.
And at 2 o'clock in the morning I get bitchy. Bitchy. People begin getting on my nerves and I just want toblow up and scream at them for being so retarded. COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. DRIVES ME INSANE WITH THEIR STUPIDITY>
I'm so tired my contacts are melthing my eyes. Ew. That sounds gross but that is the way it feels. It does, it does.
Lets count down? What one more day till CHF? WHERE DID FEBRUARY GO?! DIDNT WE JUST START THE NEW YEAR? I swear this year and last year went by so fast, I'm already hitting the due date for Fafsa. a;sdlkfja;sdlkjf TOO MUCH TO DO.
Also trying to find a place to live next year. I don't know if I want to live in the dorms or just get my own apartment. I want to live to have that experience but FUCK if I want to pay this much every year. So I'm going to try using tha tmoney for an apartment. I'd rather live there where I know I'll get it for sure instead of waiting on maybe dorms. MAYBE dorms.
okayyyyyyy good nightt!!!
Bianca J.
P.s: Elizabeth unnie, please no calling a biancaspriacy. I will cry a little bit if you do. ^^;
Current Location: Waiting for the rice to finish so I can eat
Current Mood: 
hungry
hungryCurrent Music: The Microwave
19 February 2009 @ 10:25 am
So far there has been just a list of bad thing happening in the morning.
I woke up at 8 looked at the time and turned it off. Woke up at 9, checked the time, turned off the alarm then flopped diagonally (sp?) over my pillow had probably the scariest nightmare I've had in a while. I didn't have any nightmares until I saw that damn nurse-in-training. But she was sweet so I can't completely blame her. *screws brain to hell*
Then curling my hair I burned my finger. My thumb to be exact and there is a bubble on it. A nice white looking bubble. CURSE YOU IRON! >D
So Now I'm going to get dressed, head over to my 11 o'clock class, study for my midterm which is at 12:40 then go to my last class at 2:10. Then I have to dash down to the bookstore get a book, come running back up to find a jacket. EH evil forest green jacket. I decided that if I can NOT find that damn jacket, I'm wearing red. Fuck that. I don't have to go through this much hassle because some guy decided to choose a color out of season. ITS WINTER WHO WEARS FOREST GREEN!? WHO SELLS FOREST GREEN? Winter is baby purple and light green. And he wants TRUE RED AND FOREST GREEN. Oh you boy.
List of things I want to do:
1.Watch Supernatural
3. [Yes Supernatural takes up the first two spots. ITS MY LIST I GET DO WHAT I WANT! xDD] Read (my book for class, and that random fanfic thing I've been reading]
4. Clean my room [it's like hurricane Katrina because I haven't cared to clean it since Monday. I know practice kills me though.]
......
I can't think of anything else. Lol. I'm just being stupid in this post. Oh wellzzzz.
One serious question/thought though:
Okay. So in the United States you have employees and employers. And when the recession hit us they began laying of employees because the employers couldn't afford to pay that many employees. Yet the Goverment is encouraging shopping and encouraging spending money that isn't even there. Those who lost their jobs have a very limited source to turn to because there are no jobs available because of the cut. And all these business are going out of business, and Obama shot this stimulus plan into our economy. But my question is that how can people help the goverment and help themselves when they don't even have jobs? I mean YAY the stimulus plan went through (from the knowledge and asking around its pretty much the only thing we could have done.) but now that the money is in the economy and its supposed to help business keep the employees that they have, what about those who were fired? What do those people do? That's sending more people into debt, into a downslide of confusion. You want us to spend money that isn't there, and keep going like life is normal but there is no money and we don't have jobs to even think about luxury items. Going to the grocery store is a pain because you look at the prices and wonder,"how the hell am I suppossed to pay for this?" ANd so my question lies with my f-list. What do you guys have to say?
Love from,
Bianca J.
I woke up at 8 looked at the time and turned it off. Woke up at 9, checked the time, turned off the alarm then flopped diagonally (sp?) over my pillow had probably the scariest nightmare I've had in a while. I didn't have any nightmares until I saw that damn nurse-in-training. But she was sweet so I can't completely blame her. *screws brain to hell*
Then curling my hair I burned my finger. My thumb to be exact and there is a bubble on it. A nice white looking bubble. CURSE YOU IRON! >D
So Now I'm going to get dressed, head over to my 11 o'clock class, study for my midterm which is at 12:40 then go to my last class at 2:10. Then I have to dash down to the bookstore get a book, come running back up to find a jacket. EH evil forest green jacket. I decided that if I can NOT find that damn jacket, I'm wearing red. Fuck that. I don't have to go through this much hassle because some guy decided to choose a color out of season. ITS WINTER WHO WEARS FOREST GREEN!? WHO SELLS FOREST GREEN? Winter is baby purple and light green. And he wants TRUE RED AND FOREST GREEN. Oh you boy.
List of things I want to do:
1.Watch Supernatural
3. [Yes Supernatural takes up the first two spots. ITS MY LIST I GET DO WHAT I WANT! xDD] Read (my book for class, and that random fanfic thing I've been reading]
4. Clean my room [it's like hurricane Katrina because I haven't cared to clean it since Monday. I know practice kills me though.]
......
I can't think of anything else. Lol. I'm just being stupid in this post. Oh wellzzzz.
One serious question/thought though:
Okay. So in the United States you have employees and employers. And when the recession hit us they began laying of employees because the employers couldn't afford to pay that many employees. Yet the Goverment is encouraging shopping and encouraging spending money that isn't even there. Those who lost their jobs have a very limited source to turn to because there are no jobs available because of the cut. And all these business are going out of business, and Obama shot this stimulus plan into our economy. But my question is that how can people help the goverment and help themselves when they don't even have jobs? I mean YAY the stimulus plan went through (from the knowledge and asking around its pretty much the only thing we could have done.) but now that the money is in the economy and its supposed to help business keep the employees that they have, what about those who were fired? What do those people do? That's sending more people into debt, into a downslide of confusion. You want us to spend money that isn't there, and keep going like life is normal but there is no money and we don't have jobs to even think about luxury items. Going to the grocery store is a pain because you look at the prices and wonder,"how the hell am I suppossed to pay for this?" ANd so my question lies with my f-list. What do you guys have to say?
Love from,
Bianca J.
curious19 February 2009 @ 12:34 am
It's 12:30 in the morning and I'm freaking home. OMG so glad to be home. SO freaking nice to not be so cold anymore. My hands are defrosting. Yes they are.
I'm going to take a shower, study for a bit more (I've been a good girl and studying all day) and then I'm going to update while studying and then SLEEP TIME!
See you soon!
Bianca J.
Edit/: Scratch actually studying. I'll do it tomorrow, when my brain is functioning correctly. I was going to update but after that shower maaaaaan i just want to read the fanfic I found and then SLEEEEP! I'm actually sleeping f-list aren't you proud? *grumbles* I still haven't started Season 2. Damn MIDTERMS AND ESSAYS. T_T
Good Night!
I'm going to take a shower, study for a bit more (I've been a good girl and studying all day) and then I'm going to update while studying and then SLEEP TIME!
See you soon!
Bianca J.
Edit/: Scratch actually studying. I'll do it tomorrow, when my brain is functioning correctly. I was going to update but after that shower maaaaaan i just want to read the fanfic I found and then SLEEEEP! I'm actually sleeping f-list aren't you proud? *grumbles* I still haven't started Season 2. Damn MIDTERMS AND ESSAYS. T_T
Good Night!
relaxed18 February 2009 @ 02:42 pm
silly18 February 2009 @ 02:07 am
I'm tired but want to stay up. I want to take a shower but I'm too tired.
I'm sore and I have to go to the bathroom.
Competition on Saturday, and two performances in March and April.
One more Thing:
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING ENDING IS THAT TO SEASON 1? WHO THE FUCK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT? FREAKING SAM AND NOT DOING WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO (which I'm kind of glad for) AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN THAT FREAKING TRUCK JUST A;SDLKJFA;SKLDJASLDFKJA;SDLJKF BECAUSE OF SAM, PAPA AND DEAN COULD BE DEAD. D.E.A.D. OH GOD. SO SAD. TT______TT
And um Ji Yong is still the best character in Boys over Flowers.
and Yunho is born on the 16th? I thought he was the 8th? or is that Siwon? and Hankyung is the 9th? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY AQUARIUS'?
I'm tired. Going to bed. :D
Good night,
Bianca J.
I'm sore and I have to go to the bathroom.
Competition on Saturday, and two performances in March and April.
One more Thing:
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING ENDING IS THAT TO SEASON 1? WHO THE FUCK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT? FREAKING SAM AND NOT DOING WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO (which I'm kind of glad for) AND THEN AND THEN AND THEN THAT FREAKING TRUCK JUST A;SDLKJFA;SKLDJASLDFKJA;SDLJKF BECAUSE OF SAM, PAPA AND DEAN COULD BE DEAD. D.E.A.D. OH GOD. SO SAD. TT______TT
And um Ji Yong is still the best character in Boys over Flowers.
and Yunho is born on the 16th? I thought he was the 8th? or is that Siwon? and Hankyung is the 9th? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY AQUARIUS'?
I'm tired. Going to bed. :D
Good night,
Bianca J.
17 February 2009 @ 12:42 am
so the performance went amazing. Or it felt amazing. It was seriously the best time I've had in a really really long time.
On the way to Life Cafe, my friend Joy asked me if I did Evo for the team or if I did it because I loved to perform? And without even thinking I just blurted out because I love to perform. And I think that's the truth. No, I know its the truth. I only deal with my mother's shit and my mother's bitching because I love to perform. I love to be on that stage, with the screams in the audience and the voices around me, and the feeling of my teammates around me performing just as hard. I love it so much.
***
I made an appointment with the psychiatrist for Wed at 11:15 a.m. I have to go see a nurse-in-training before I can see the psychiatrist. Whatever. I don't mind. I guess.
I realized though that I don't mind writing about everything but I don't want to say it. And I don't want to talk about it to anyone. I mean to Sheree and stuff yeah, but to other people? No. Not really. I talk about my dad in past tense because frankly he is dead but no one catches on. So I don't have to elaborate. Which I won't. I think maybe that's why I don't want Yellowbird to read my LJ. Because I have a lot of shit on here that I don't want her reading not because I don't like her, or because I don't trust her but this LJ is kind of like the virtual version of what Sheree is to me. A Best Friend a place for me to rant. I'm thinking of making this whole LJ Friends only. And not making us mutual friends. That would be horrible though wouldn't it? A bitch of a thing to do. She is a good friend of mine. But there's a reason why she's a good friend and not a best friend.
****
I don't know if I ever mentioned this before but I've moved a lot in the last 18 years of my life. Usually people are raised and live most of their lives in one or two homes, I think if I add up all the times I've moved in the last 18 years I would say... 7 or 8 or 9 times. I hate doing it. I hate closing the door on the empty house and walking away. I hate leaving memories, I hate packing and unpacking. I just hate the experience. And even going from Pasadena to Riverside and back is a chore. I hated leaving Pasadena again. I feel like why should I go back again? I mean yes to see my friends but I can't handle that much torture of my heart. It's like seeing your mom and then having to say good bye after a day and a half. I feel its not worth it. I mean Christmas break is too long because I'm there for almost a month and then BOOM I'm gone. She has to get used to being by herself after a month. I'm here for a day and a half, my mom even said,"Sometimes I don't think you're really here and I'm actually just imagining you." I cried. Because it's very sad to here that from my mom. I mean I hate that she's by herself but I don't want to live at home. I also don't want to go back and forth every weekend. I think that'll hurt me more then it'll hurt or help her.
****
I have two finals and an essay this week. Along with CHF (at UCLA) and I'm kind of psyched but soo busy. The midlterm tomorrow is for Comp Sci so I have to get up early and study. I'm so tired now I think I'll be okay for tomorrow. I have an English Essay (on Fast Food Nation) due Wed then another midterm on Thursday for Psych 2. I like Psych and I find it interesting but not as interesting as I thought it was going to be. So far its pretty much just been an obvious set of ideas that he's explaining. Things, at least I notice, I don't know if anyone else does. I mean its pretty freaking obvious. A bunch of common sense.
So It's one o'clock in the morning. I'm going to go to bed now.
GOOD NIGHT,
Bianca J.
sore13 February 2009 @ 01:55 am
As I'm waiting for SuperNatural to load, I decided to update my lj. :D
I've been having these issues lately. Emotional issues. Over my dad, over boys, and school. I mean boys less but I'm going to make an appointment with the counseling center. I don't know what's for sure going to happen because I mean where do I start? Anyway, i'll make it tomorrow and see what happens.
****
I have call time at 5:00 p.m tomorrow. Please please please pray for me. Pray that I don't fall and make a horrible mess of myself. Please. I'm so nervous. And I still have to buy a jacket, so I'm ditching class and going to find that jacket! HWAITING!
*****
I can't think of anything to say well I need a job because I still dont have Mirotic and TVXQ's new Japanese Album's coming and WTF I WANT IT! DAMN IT! I love their Japanese stuff...so epic. E.P.I.C. Love in the Ice kicks everything else in the ass...maybe not Bolero though. :D
*****
Okay I'm off to Super Natural. OH! We were in Target today and there was this old mirror hanging on the wall. Subconciously I bent down and shuffled underneath it without looking inot it. SUPERNATURAL HAS RUINED MY LIFE...In this epic OMG SAM WINCHESTER!? kind of way.
Love from,
Bianca J.
Edit//:: I like Sarah. But I liked Meg too (but there was something off for her. I knew it from the get go.) but oh oh oh Sam. How I love to see you remotely happy again and looking at women. I was getting tired of this celebate,"My brother screws girls, but I search things at night." kind of thing. It was getting old. BUt not that their leaving, does she come back? DOES SHE DIE?! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME SHE DOESN'T D
Saw the dvd for Season 3 of Gilmore Girls and there he was in his Dean essence. It was lovely! LOVELY!
tired11 February 2009 @ 09:05 am
It looks like day time but feels like night time. I think my internal clock may be jacked up. >.>
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I knew something was wrong when I left home, I just couldn't figure out what it was. And now I do. My essay is saved under wps. and of couuuuuuuuuurse the stupid library computers don't read that format, only .doc. Damn it! Why are there so many different versions of this stupid Microsoft Word? Wasn't there just one format at one time? Now there's like 12! And on top of that I thought it was going to be okay if I just sent the converted version to me...guess not.. because it's still not appearing through my email. This frusteration just continue.
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For someone who hasn't slept since afternoon yesterday, I'm doing pretty well. I'm not as tired as I thought I was going to be. and I can keep my eyes open and update Lj like a psycho. :D
I'm going to try to fix this essay crap again. I have a half hour...wish me luck!
Love from,
Bianca J.
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I knew something was wrong when I left home, I just couldn't figure out what it was. And now I do. My essay is saved under wps. and of couuuuuuuuuurse the stupid library computers don't read that format, only .doc. Damn it! Why are there so many different versions of this stupid Microsoft Word? Wasn't there just one format at one time? Now there's like 12! And on top of that I thought it was going to be okay if I just sent the converted version to me...guess not.. because it's still not appearing through my email. This frusteration just continue.
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For someone who hasn't slept since afternoon yesterday, I'm doing pretty well. I'm not as tired as I thought I was going to be. and I can keep my eyes open and update Lj like a psycho. :D
I'm going to try to fix this essay crap again. I have a half hour...wish me luck!
Love from,
Bianca J.
crazy11 February 2009 @ 06:18 am
Oh My God. It's six o'clock in the morning and the sun is rising and I'm still awake. I have no idea how the hell I'm doing this right now. No Idea. I'm so drained. I'm glad I have one class today, at nine. So I can go eat breakfast, print out my essay (which I'm still not done with) and then go to class (if I can survive) then come back and sleeeeeeep. I think my contacts are bleeding out of my eyes, or melting. you choose. I don't know. I only have 553 words in this STUPID ESSAY. asd;kjasdfjk UGHHHH!!!
Love from,
Bianca J.
Love from,
Bianca J.
11 February 2009 @ 03:32 am
So obviously I'm not completely over it. I thought I was able to cope with everything but I'm having a hard time dealing with it everytime it's brought up, so my sister is making me go see a counselor. (Thea, love, I'll tell you how it goes when I make the appointment.) I'm not too sure on how I feel. I'm a very open person but this whole thing about death, and especially about my dad it's kind of this taboo, don't speak, don't mention kind of thing in our house now. Especially when Rebecah is around, because she was 12 or 14 when they divorced so everything hit her harder then it did us. But Ericka says that I'm more affected because I'm the most emotional. I don't know. I cried for a bit today. After I got off the phone with her. I was sitting on the trolley and she hung up with me after I had convinced her I'd see a counselor and it was this overwhelming feeling of just everything. I don't know what everything is, I can't really name it but it wasn't a very good feeling, or a very good release.
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There's this guy on the dance team, I'm not going to write his name just incase this gets out. Meaning outside world, IDK. A lot of people know I have an lj just not what my name is, thank god. I'd have to switch that right over. >.> Too much of a hassle. Anyway. So everytime we see each other we hug like normal friends but suddenly his hugs have gotten...I can't really explain it. I guess warmer? nostalgic? I don't know. But every time he hugs me I just don't want to let go. I wan't to keep hugging him, and keep hugging him. Sometimes I let go first because I don't want people to think I like him because God knows he doesn't like me. But I just love hugging him. And not in that,"Oh he's my friend brother." As in I can't figure out where I stand with you but please don't let me go.
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I have 6 pages to write. How exciting. I think I may be pulling my first all nighter! How ever more! exciting. Not really but you know dawn is my good friend. I work better when its hitting dawn. :D BUt i have class at 9 so that means either two hours of sleep or no sleep at all. I'm shooting for no sleep so whenI get back home I can sleep.
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My sister's computer is shipping out on the 15th. Her motherboard exploded the other day and so she's been having a hard time with getting a computer and finding money and what not but my mom has a deal with dell that she can make monthly payments so that's what she's going to do. It's Ruby Red. I think if I wanted any color on my lap top it would be white. Mine right now is the exact opposite. It's black. TT__TT I really think white is beautiful. Oh well. I can get color skin for my lappie top so I'll see if you can get just plain white.
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Hungry. Oh so Hungry. Working on essay and eating. I'm contemplating taking a shower just beacuse I might fall asleep but I don't think I will.
My knees hurt, from squatting and from leaning on it when we do Bass. STUPID STUPID SONG! UGH! We always fuck up on that song and it drives me insane. It's like why make us do it over and over again if we're on time all together but on the wrong beat. AT LEAST WE"RE TOGETHER ON THE WRONG BEA
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DESCRIBES MY LIFE RIGHT HERE!
“One more time.” At those three words, all 5 members groan loudly. The choreographer means one more time, the same way the manager says one more stop or one more show. It never is and so when you finish the routine again, and he shakes his head in frustration. You can mouth the words along with him. “One more time.”
MY FUCKING LIFE!
I write pruttyy when I'm half asleep and dirty and your stomach hurts......:D
Good night/morning,
Bianca J.
drained10 February 2009 @ 07:20 pm
Posted using TxtLJ
I thought since I told Sheree everything about my dad. I'd be okay. But talking to my sister has brought on new tear and new feelings. I'm not sure what I feel.
09 February 2009 @ 01:28 am
Have you ever felt so helpless that whatever you do and whatever you say that tight feeling in your chest doesn't go away? That feeling is just sitting on my shoulders. Sitting where I can't reach far above me that I can get that load off of me. And I don't feel guilty for putting that on me, I don't feel like she shouldn't but I wish, I wish, I wish there was something I could do to help. I can only speak to you and hope you listen but I wish I would help you in person. And help you get out of your situation. I do. I hope things get better, I do.
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I have an 8 page essay due Wednesday. Seriously. Ugh. So much writing to be done! And so tomorrow we don't have class and we don't have to go in, so I'm going to sleep in for a bit, and start on my essay while doing some laundry. I was going to do both tonight but other things came up instead.
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My mom hates her job. Again. She moved from the last one that she had been working at for 12 years and now she's on 2 and hates it. The woman she works for (techincally she giver her her paycheck but another man she turns to for info and stuff) is the biggest bitch ever. She was the one I worked with over the summer. WHAT A BITCH! She's old and has two grown kids who are worse then she is. Ugh. Seriously. Is there a place where the bosses aren't cheap assholes? is EVERYONE an asshole?
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